


Sirius Misses Remus

by simplysirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Relationship(s), Remus x Sirius, sirius x remus, wolfstar, wolfstar angst, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:07:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplysirius/pseuds/simplysirius
Summary: When Remus becomes a prefect, Sirius couldn’t be prouder, but when new duties keep the two apart, Sirius realizes that maybe he misses Remus as more than just a friend.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 134





	Sirius Misses Remus

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @simplysirius for daily fics and fanart! I also take requests :)

“For the love of everything that is holy, please stop moving, Moony.”

On the train to Hogwarts, chugging into their fifth year, Remus couldn’t sit still. If his fingers weren’t fumbling around, he was rubbing his lips together, and even when Sirius took a solid hold of his wrists to keep him from fidgeting, his feet bounced and his knees wiggled.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, not sure whether his heart was lurching against his ribcage because of Sirius’ arm around his shoulders, or because of the anticipation for the next few hours. “Just excited.”

James huffed, adjusting his glasses higher up on his nose. “Why can’t you tell us what’s going on?”

“I want it to be a surprise,” Remus insisted, “it’s like, a really big deal.”

Sirius pulled Remus in close, their cheeks brushing together and burning at the sudden contact. “It better be good. You’ve been teasing us all week.”

From the moment the owl had delivered the letter while the boys were eating breakfast at James’ house, Remus was screaming, nearly shattering his glass of orange juice and toppling Sirius’ stack of pancakes as he jumped around. Aside from his random outburst, Remus had resolved to silence, wanting to save the news for when they got back to Hogwarts, and it was only slightly killing Sirius. Was it something dumb, like a fancy new book in the library? Or something more serious, like the Sorting Hat had finally got its shit together and realized Remus’ smarts were much better suited for Ravenclaw? Just the thought made Sirius’ stomach twist; losing his best friend, his partner in crime, was as unfathomable as it was excruciating.

Without Remus by his side, who would braid his hair for Quidditch games? Who would help him through his nightmares and hold him until morning? Who would make him smile when there was nothing to smile about in the first place?

“It’s really good,” Remus assured, a red flush creeping down his neck and burning his ears. Sirius’ hair was soft against his, a minty, smoky scent lingering on his skin, and he was so warm compared to Remus’ perpetually glacial skin, bracing against the seat was all he could do from sinking into Sirius’ body. “I promise.”

Sirius and James shared a skeptical glance, shrugging their shoulders. The woman with the trolley made her way down the train aisle, tapping on their compartment.

Scrambling for his wallet, Sirius passed over a couple galleons. “Four chocolate frogs, please.”

“Hungry today?” James asked, happily accepting the frog handed to him.

“No,” Sirius said, keeping one chocolate for himself and giving the others to Remus. “They’re your favorite, and if today’s as special as you’re making it out to be, then you should get two.”

James stuck out his tongue. “How romantic of you, Padfoot.”

Remus blanched, trying to refuse the chocolate, finding that all his words were stuck in his throat. Beside him, Sirius was a deep shade of crimson, his arms decidedly crossed on his chest.

Remus and Sirius were not dating, but that didn’t mean Sirius hadn’t thought about it every second of his life for the past five years.

When the boys were finally at Hogwarts, sitting at the long Gryffindor table in the Great Hall surrounded by their newly sorted first years, trying not to eat all the magnificent food before the feast began, all eyes were on Dumbledore as he made his yearly announcements.

“Quidditch team try outs will be held next week on the field. Please see the captains for further details,” he said, reading from a long scroll of parchment.

Sirius nudged James’ foot under the table and he beamed; his promotion to captain at such a young age was the topic of daily discussion this past summer. Sometimes, James would refuse to answer unless Sirius or Remus called him captain, which was swiftly resolved with a quick hex.

“Now, I’d like to announce this year’s prefects. Starting with Ravenclaw.” Dumbledore rambled on, drawling through name after name, stopping after each for polite applause. Sirius just wanted to eat the damn Yorkshire pudding already. But beside him, Remus was coiled up so tight he was nearly shaking.

“For the Gryffindor prefects, we have Samuel Tolson…Emma Clarke…and Remus Lupin.”

There was a slight hesitation after Dumbledore read, where the words hung in the air around James and Sirius. And then they were clapping. Not just little, polite applause. Raucous cheering and whooping, so much hollering that it took a stern glance from McGonagall to settle them down. Remus took it all in stride, hiding his face in his hands but grinning nonetheless.

“You’re a prefect! I can’t believe you didn’t tell us!” James exclaimed when the feast began, his mouth already full of scones.

Sirius gripped Remus in a tight hug. “Congrats Moony, that’s awesome. Definitely a good surprise.”

Remus smiled sheepishly. “I almost told you guys on the train. I didn’t think I’d be able to keep it a secret for a week.”

“Yeah, because clearly you’re a terrible secret keeper,” Sirius smirked, winking. Remus’ heart only nearly jumped out of his chest.

After every feast, the boys had made it tradition to gather in their room and pour over the Map, planning the first of many pranks to start the new year off with a bang. Sirius and James were halfway out of the Great Hall before they sensed that Remus wasn’t behind them.

“I have to escort the first years,” Remus apologized, frowning as he was swept away by the new Gryffindors. “I might be late tonight, so don’t wait up.”

Sitting on the floor without Remus didn’t feel right. There wasn’t anyone to tell Sirius when he had a bad idea, and he didn’t have a shoulder to rest his head on when he got tired, either. James didn’t seem to mind as much, his brain working just fine to devise plan after scheming plan. Sirius’ heart wasn’t in it. A body without a heart is just a pile of skin and bones, strung together by strands of crestfallen twine and delicate knots.

James went to bed that night dreaming about all the ways he could convince Lily to go on a date with him. Sirius went to bed staring at the ceiling, wide awake and restless until their door cracked open and a lanky boy tip-toed inside. Remus tried not to make too much noise as he hung up his robes and slipped into bed.

“How’d it go?” Sirius whispered, turning on his side.

Remus smiled like he knew Sirius would still be awake, waiting. “Good. I think they all like me.”

“There’s nothing not to like. You’re gonna be the perfect prefect,” Sirius assured, glad that the room was too dark for Remus to see how quickly Sirius clamped his mouth shut.

“Thanks, Sirius.”

Before he could say anything else to incriminate himself, Sirius pulled the blankets up to his chin and tried to fall asleep, straining to hear Remus’ quiet, steady breaths over his echoing heartbeat.

Fifth year was supposed to be difficult, what with all the studying and exams, but Sirius hadn’t anticipated how utterly distraught he would be at just the end of the first week. The classes were fine, if but a little heavy on the homework, and James was shaping up to be a good Quidditch captain, but everything else in Sirius’ life felt out of place. One moment, Remus would be sitting next to him in potions, and the next he’d be walking in the hallway alone, with Remus off in some corridor chatting with a first year. Even at dinner, Remus was so caught up in answering questions and firing off pieces of advice that Sirius was largely ignored, save for a few apologetic smiles.

Somewhere in the middle of wallowing over missing Remus, missing the way they were attached at the hip, missing the way his heart kicked whenever he smelled tea and fresh ink, Sirius realized that the thought of being friends with Remus was almost unbearable. Friends probably didn’t spend a lot of time staring at each other’s lips. Or wishing they could hug and never let go. Friends definitely don’t wish they could kiss other friends.

In plain and simple terms, he loved Remus. And Sirius Black knew he was absolutely fucked.

But across the castle, wandering through the hallways with his wand illuminating the cold stone and frayed rugs, Remus was coming to his own realizations. Maybe being a prefect was fun, but so was hanging out with his friends – with Sirius. There was so much homework, so many prefect duties, so many things standing in the way of being with Sirius.

The truth of the matter is that it took one day without him to know that life wasn’t nearly as bright without Sirius, and five days to know that the ache in his chest was his heart, begging for love.

After Remus had finished with his prefect rounds for the night, he snuck into the bedroom and rounded the corner of Sirius’ bed, dulling the light from his wand to a faint glow. Sirius rolled over, still awake, and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What’s going on?”

“You wanna go for a walk?”

Huddled under the Invisibility Cloak, Remus led Sirius to an empty classroom deep within the halls of Hogwarts, trying to ignore the way their shoulders kept nudging together. Safely in the confines of the abandoned classroom, Remus perched on top of one of the tables, coughing a little at all the dust.

Sirius tilted his head, waiting for him to say something, but when nothing came, he spoke first. “Is this one of your new hideaways?”

“Yeah. It’s not even on the Map yet. We’ll have to add it,” Remus nodded.

“So.”

“So.”

Sirius rocked on the balls of his feet. “Are you going to tell me what we’re doing here?”

Remus shrugged nervously. “I mean, I wanted to talk to you, so I thought…”

“That we should talk at midnight in a dirty classroom?”

“…yeah.” Remus hesitated, drawing spirals through the layer of dust on the desk. “Being a prefect makes me really happy. But…things just feel different because I don’t get to–” He stopped himself before he said too much.

Sirius blinked, his toes curling as he worked up the nerve. “Get to what?”

Remus swallowed thickly. “I don’t get to see you that much anymore.”

A blanket of silence smothered them then, as Remus’ eyes retreated to the floor and Sirius’ heart did backflips in his ribcage. Remus felt so far away, an ocean between them, and even if Sirius didn’t know how to swim, he wanted to try.

Ever so carefully, Sirius’ hand inched closer to Remus’, and when their fingers finally brushed, Remus held on tightly. It was strange, holding hands now; it wasn’t to stay together in a crowded street, nor was it to help steady their bodies after one too many mugs of butterbeer. This was different; without their hands clasped firmly together, they could fall out of each other’s orbit and never be seen again.

“Do you think,” Remus whispered, pausing to keep his voice steady, “that there’s a universe where we could be together? You know…more than friends?”

Sirius’ breathing stilled and his eyes finally met Remus’, shining in the pale light. Nerves riddled his face and tore through his veins, but he was still Remus, still the boy that Sirius knew he loved.

“Yes,” he said slowly, fitting his body perfectly between Remus’ knees. “I think…that’s possible.”

“Life is so boring without you,” Remus admitted, his voice hardly audible in the heavy air. “I miss you.”

“I think…I think I like you, Remus. A lot. I think I…”

Remus only nodded, unable to find the right words to tell Sirius how much he liked him, how much he loved him, how much he didn’t want anyone else in the world but him. If he couldn’t say anything, he might as well do something. Sirius was right there. So beautiful and lovely and all his.

They didn’t have the need for words after that. Remus kissed Sirius hard on the mouth, and Sirius fell into his body with his hands on either side of Remus’ face. It was desperate and tentative and tender all at the same time, making up for every kiss they had missed. They had five years of kisses to make up for.

Words were hard. Loving was easy.


End file.
